Life2day's Weblog

Single Parent Purpose – Go to new Blog

life2day — Thu, 21 May 2009 22:01:39 +0000

Hey Y’all,

I’m moving where I post my blogs. I would love it if you’d come join me.

Don’t miss out go to:
A Single Parent Purpose

And when you get there, sign up for my e-mail list. As soon as you do, I’ll start sending you tips on how to reduce stress! What every single parent needs!

Can’t wait to see you there!

Laura C. Ries

Don’t Let The Kids Know You Are Outnumbered

life2day — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 01:46:01 +0000

Three to one. My kids outnumber me three to one. Kids learn very quickly in two parent homes if they can pit one parent against the other. They test to see if they can pit divorced parent against each other.

And then they try other ways of power plays.

Some are subtle and some are more covert.

One subtle action is to all ask questions at the same time. If mom or dad answers what you want, even though the answer was to a different question, the child can say “but you said….” Tricky.

I learned to slow down and address the question I was answering. So instead of just saying “yes” or “no”. I’d say the child’s name and then specify what was yes or no. For example, “Yes, John, you may go to the movies with Matt.”

Then I would answer the questions of the other children in turn.

It is good to get input from the children. This is a good way to learn their likes and dislikes, teach them negotiating skills, and even get options you wouldn’t have thought of on your own.

However, make your decision and stick with it. It isn’t majority rule. You are the parent.

Have the kids figured out you are outnumbered? Have they been ruling the roost? Take some time and determine where you can start taking control. Start with some small changes and as they are implemented, make some bigger changes.

Laura
Primary Parenting On Purpose
laura@primaryparentingonpurpose.com
primaryparentingonpurpose.com
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Hug a Teen

life2day — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 02:12:31 +0000

For a lot of families, the teen years are the most turbulent. Even if there isn’t a lot of trouble, it seems as if the child has changed overnight.

This is a time of becoming independent. But maybe not too independent. I’ve heard a speaker at a PTA meeting state, “the teen is saying leave alone, don’t go away.”

This idea helped me with my middle daughter. Her brother got easier as he got older. He was such an active kid and as a teen he had mellowed out. He was 14 when I thought, I think I can do this teen thing…

Then she turned 12. She went from being a happy outgoing kid to very unhappy. Her life was miserable, nothing was right and it was all my fault.

One day as we were standing in the kitchen yelling. I thought, I really don’t want to be here doing this, what can I do different? Then I remembered what I had heard.

If my daughter was really telling me “Go away, don’t leave me.”, then yelling wasn’t going to help. So I stopped yelling and went over and hugged her until she hugged me back.

She always hated when I remembered to stop an argument and give her a hug. However, I wouldn’t move until she hugged me back.

Even though her brother and sister weren’t as explosive in their expression, I’d go and give them hugs, or pat them on the back. Just to let them know I was there and I cared.

We’ve weathered the teen years and have much better relationships. I think a lot had to do with the hugs.

Have you hugged your teen today?

Pushing People’s Buttons

life2day — Sun, 25 May 2008 22:06:53 +0000

Early in my marriage, I discovered my husband liked to push people’s buttons. He would get to know you, what made you tick and then find ways to drive you crazy.

He’d brag about doing this as a kid. I watched him do it to friends and family. He did it to me. I got to a point where I said this is enough.

Well, my then husband would complain that my grandfather would call him ‘Mr. Joe’ to be insulting.

I had never seen my grandfather be anything but a gentleman. So I could hardly believe that my grandfather was pushing someone’s buttons.

Fastforward to today. I’ve been divorced since 91, my ex has had 2 heart attacks, my grandfather has had dementia for a year and a half.

Needless to say we’ve been having some interesting dialogs. There have been appologies, there have been unlocked memories and also the realization that maybe Grandpa was just as good at pushing people’s buttons as my ex.

Do you push people’s buttons? Do they push yours? Is there something you can do different for a different outcome? How will you know if you don’t try?